


Wake Me Up When September Ends

by My_Trex_has_fleas



Series: Land and Sea [4]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Return to Treasure Island (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:06:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4468223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for both Ross and Jim to deploy. But what will happen...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Are All That I Have

**Author's Note:**

> All chapter titles will be song titles from my DarkHawk playlist.
> 
> Main Title - Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Ross sat and stared at the object in his hand. It lay on his palm, and he wondered for the hundredth time why he’d bought it.

It had been six months.

Six months.

He wasn’t supposed to feel like this after six months.

He never thought he would feel like this, ever.

But here he was, and the ring he’d bought for the man who was coming to pick him up in an hour felt like it was burning a hole in his hand.

Ross had seen it and bought it on impulse. He had no idea what he wanted it to mean, or even if it was supposed to mean anything at all. What he did know was that in seven day’s time, Jim was getting on the Dragon and sailing halfway around the world and would only be back in six months. That was the entire length of their relationship so far.

And the very thought of being without Jim for that long was having an effect on him like he’d never experienced before. Ross knew he wasn’t the most committed person in the world. He’d never had a relationship that lasted beyond a couple of weeks at most (with the exception of the first one) and he had no idea what to do with the feelings that Jim inspired in him. He’d truly meant the words he’d spoken that day at Tyneham, and subsequently. There had been precious little time for them to be together and they’d had to make do with two or three days here and there. It had all been so quick and so intense, something exacerbated by the distance and the knowledge that time was running out between them.

Ross knew deep down that he was in love. Deeply and irrevocably in love. And it was the most terrifying thing he’d ever experienced. He looked at the ring, a simple band of white gold. He wanted Jim to stay forever. He wanted to be with him all the time, see him smile and hold his hand while they walked. He wanted to settle down with him, had been daydreaming of them living together.

‘Fuck.’ he muttered. Then he was jolted out of his thoughts by Carter shouting from downstairs.

‘Oi, loverboy! Your ride is here.’ Then there was collective sniggering from both him and Holmewood. Ross didn’t smile. Normally he would have found the innuendo amusing, but he just couldn’t today.

‘I’ll be there in a minute.’ he shouted down. Then he got up from the bed, shoved the ring in his pocket and grabbed his bag. Jim was taking him up to Somerset to meet his mom and they were staying with her for four days before he would come back and drop Ross in Bovington before heading to the Dragon. Jim had to be on ship for the seventy-two hours prior to deployment, but there was supposed to be the traditional naval send-off on the Tuesday morning. They had already decided that Ross didn’t need to be there, what with his own preparations for deployment, so this weekend was going to be it.

The last time they’d see each other for eight months.

Ross headed down the stairs and caught a glimpse of himself as he passed the mirror next to the door. Jim was in the kitchen with the other two, chatting about the upcoming trip and Ross hesitated in the doorway. Jim turned and Ross caught something in his blue-green eyes before Jim smiled at him, maybe a little too brightly.

‘Hi.’ he said. ‘You ready to go?’

_No. And I’m not ready for you to go either._

‘Sure.’ he replied, keeping his voice light and casual. ‘Ready when you are.’ Jim turned back to Carter and Holmewood.

‘I guess I’ll see you both in eight months.’ he said. Carter nodded and then grabbed Jim and bear hugged him. Jim laughed and returned it. ‘You guys better look after yourselves.’ Carter let him go and Holmewood was next, shaking Jim’s hand and giving him a slap on the shoulder.

‘We will.’ he said. ‘And we’ll keep Captain Poldark out of as much trouble as we can.’

‘Good.’ Jim said, and his eyes met Ross’. ‘I really would like him back in one piece.’

Something hung in the air between them for just a moment, and Ross wondered if Jim was feeling just as unhappy as he was, hiding it behind that sunny smile.

‘We need to go.’ He said, breaking the sudden tension in the kitchen.

‘Right.’ Jim said. They left the house, Carter and Holmewood following them out to Jim’s car. Ross got into the passenger side, chucking his bag over his shoulder into the back seat and then doing up his seat belt. Jim got in on the other side and did his own up before looking at him. But he didn’t say anything, juts dropped his eyes after a moment and then started the car. Carter and Holmewood gave them exaggerated royal waves as the car pulled out of the driveway and then headed out of their street.

**********

The first hour they drove in silence, neither of them wanting to start a conversation that would bring up the seething mass of uncertainty between them. The radio station cut out on the Dorset border and Jim switched to the music on his Ipod and set it to shuffle and the first song came on. At first Ross wasn’t really paying attention, but then the words kicked in.

 _I’ve got to see you one last night._  
_Before the lions take their share._  
_Leave us in pieced scattered everywhere._

He caught his breath. The song continued and he chanced a glance at Jim. Jim’s jaw was set, and his knuckles white where he was gripping the steering wheel.

 _Just give me a chance to hold on to._  
_Give me a chance to hold on to._  
_Give me a chance to hold on to._  
_Just give me something to hold on to._

Ross ran his fingers thought his hair, a nervous tic he’d always had. He looked away from Jim, keeping his eyes focused on the scenery rushing by them on the motorway.

 _It's so clear now that you are all that I have_  
_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

‘Jesus Christ.’ Jim muttered. But he didn’t switch it off. Ross closed his eyes.

 _It's so clear now that you are all that I have_  
_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

They flew open again at the violent swerve across the motorway that Jim executed with skill that would not have been out of place on a race track. Ross had ribbed him before about his crazy driving and his boy racer car, but this took him completely by surprise.

‘Bloody hell, Jim!’ he shouted. ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Jim didn’t answer. Instead he indicated and then pulled into the upcoming lay bye. He stopped the car.

‘Get out.’ He said. Ross looked at him aghast.

‘What?’ he asked, not sure what the hell was going on. Jim’s eyes were on fire, his breathing quickening. He undid his seatbelt and threw his door open, getting out and storming around to Ross’ side of the car. Then he pulled the door open.

 _There is a darkness deep in you_  
_A frightening magic I cling to_

‘Get out.’ he repeated. Ross slowly undid his seatbelt and got out, closing the door behind him. Jim stood opposite him, his face a picture of conflicting emotions.

 _Give me a chance to hold on_  
_Give me a chance to hold on_  
_Give me a chance to hold on_  
_Just give me something to hold onto_

The he surged forward, pinning Ross up against the side of his car, Hands going to Ross’ neck and holding him as he kissed him. Ross resisted for a second, but then all the feelings he’d been having for the last six months flooded out of him and he caught Jim around the waist, pulling him close and kissing back. Jim’s hands left his face, arms winding around his neck so they were flush against each other, body to body.

 _It's so clear now that you are all that I have_  
_I have no fear now you are all that I have_  
_It's so clear now that you are all that I have_  
_I have no fear now you are all that I have_

They stood and kissed for what felt like forever, ignoring the hooting of passing cars. Eventually they parted and Jim reached up, brushing Ross’s cheekbone with the backs of his fingers.

‘I love you.’ he said softly. ‘This is killing me. I’m going to miss you so much.’ He looked up at Ross, and his eyes were so sad that Ross hated himself for a minute. He didn’t know what to say to Jim, how to make him feel better. And his own heart ached so badly, that he wasn’t sure he could. So he said nothing and the tension built once again. They stood in silence until Ross couldn’t take it anymore.

‘We should go.’ he said, and the light in Jim’s eyes seemed to die a little.

‘Yeah, we should.’ He stepped back from Ross and went back to his side of the car. They got back in and pulled back out into the traffic.

**********

It was early evening and already pitch black by the time they arrived at the Admiral Benbow, the pub that Jim’s mother owned and ran. It was a beautiful stone building on a headland just outside of Watchet and overlooking the sea. Jim turned into the car park and parked a few spaces down from the front door of the pub. They got out and Ross stretched. It had been a good three hours in the car and it had not been the most comfortable, in more ways than one. He looked across at Jim, but Jim avoided his eyes and Ross felt a sickening lurch when he realised just how much his lack of response had obviously hurt him. He followed Jim inside without a word.

Inside the pub was beautifully done, with old wooden floorboards and whitewashed walls lit by ship’s lights. The bar was a massive oak affair running the length of the room. There was a pretty dark haired woman with an abundance of freckles behind it. She turned when they walked in and her face lit up with a cheery smile.

‘Jim.’ She said. Her voice had a distinctive Welsh lilt. ‘You’re here.’

‘Clearly.’ Jim laughed as she moved out from behind the bar and came over, grabbing him and hugging him hard. ‘How are you, Trish?’

‘Good.’ She replied and then turned to Ross, her dark brown eyes appraising. ‘So this is him?’

‘This is him. Ross, this is Trish, Jeffrey’s wife.’ Jim gave Ross a half smile as he introduced them and Ross’ stomach twisted again. ‘Mum in the kitchen?’

‘She is. She and Jeffrey have had their heads together all afternoon.’ Trish turned to Ross. ‘I hate to think what they’ve been cooking up in there.’ She gave them a broad smile. ‘You know how experimental those two are.’

‘I’ll go in and get her.’ Jim said. ‘You can look after for Ross for a few minutes, yeah?’

‘Of course.’ Trish laughed. Jim gave Ross another brief look, and went off to the door to the kitchen at the side of the bar. Ross watched him go, feeling suddenly like a child lost in a supermarket. Trish took his arm, and he jumped a little at the contact. ‘Come on. I’ll get you a drink.’ she said. ‘You look like you need one.’

*********

Jim went into the kitchen and found his mother and Jeffrey peering into the combi oven with concerned looks on their faces. They didn’t notice him and he walked up right behind them, peering between them to see what they were looking at.  
‘Should it be bubbling like that?’ he asked. Rose Hawkins let out a screech worthy of a steam train and whirled around, throwing her arms around him.

‘Chicken!’ she said, ‘You’re here.’

‘Everyone seems to be masters of the obvious this evening.’ Jim laughed as he hugged her. Rose cackled and stepped back from him, her hands either side of his face.

‘My only son and he’s turned out to be such a sarcastic bugger.’ she said to Jeffrey who was observing the mother-son greeting with a broad smile. She pulled Jim’s head down, giving him a resounding kiss on the forehead. ‘I am so glad you’re here. You can tell Jeffrey that Baked Alaska should not look like that.’

‘Is that what it’s supposed to be?’ Jim returned her smile. His hurt feelings and anxiety over Ross’ sudden mood change washed away in the face of his mother’s comforting presence.

‘To hell with both of you.’ Jeffrey rumbled, Jamaican accent thick. ‘It’s going to turn out magnificently.’ He was such a contrast to his petite wife, a huge black man with a bald head. He got Jim in a bear hug that made it feel like his ribs were cracking. ‘Good to see you Jim-lad.’

‘You too Jeff.’ Jim could barely get the words out. ‘Christ, you can let go now.’ Jeffrey chuckled and held on a little longer.

‘Is he turning blue yet?’ he asked Rose.

‘Almost.’ she replied. ‘All right, enough.’ Jeffrey let Jim go and let him get his breath back. ‘So, where is this gorgeous boyfriend of yours?’ she asked Jim.

‘In the bar with Trish.’ Jim said.

‘Well, then introduce me.’ Rose said, taking his arm and dragging Jim with her.

‘Re-match.’ he called to Jeffrey over his shoulder.

‘Sure thing, light-weight.’ Jeffrey called back before he went to observe the progress of the Baked Alaska.

************

Ross was sitting at the bar and Trish was talking to him, although to be honest he wasn’t really listening to half of what she was saying. Then he turned when he heard Jim’s voice and saw him coming out the kitchen with a blonde woman who he could only assume was his mother.

She was shorter than Jim by half a head, but she had the same trim build and dark gold hair as her son, and when she got a bit closer he could see that her eyes were the same oceanic hue as Jim’s. She was wearing skinny jeans and ballet pumps, her white apron tied over an oversized man’s shirt. Her hair was long and tied up in a ponytail. Were it not for the tell-tale lines around her eyes, she could have passed for Jim’s sister.

‘Oh, Jim.’ she said, looking Ross up and down. ‘You’ve brought home a puppy!’


	2. Don't Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose takes the boys home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Don't Panic by Coldplay

They had dinner at the pub, then Rose left Jeffrey and Trish to close up. She left with Jim and Ross, and they went outside. The night was dark and clear, the January air almost frigidly cold. The moonlight turned Jim and Rose’s hair silvery and Ross had the weirdest sensation that he was looking at a pair of otherworldly creatures. Then he shook it off and got in the car, letting Rose sit in the front seat. She and Jim chattered back and forth with an easy familiarity that Ross had never experienced with his own mother.

He sat in silence, listening as Jim filled Rose in on what was happening on the Dragon and talking about Preston and Halford and Sellar. And as he listened Ross could hear a distinctive little twang in his voice, the one that only seemed to come out when he’d been drinking. But the longer he talked with Rose, the stronger it got.

Jim drove along from the pub, taking the single land road out of town until they cane to a grassy slope leading down to the sea. There was a small cluster of houses and Jim headed for the last one that overlooked the stretch of sandy beach below. He parked and they got out, Ross grabbing his bag from the back. He’d noticed that Jim hadn’t brought one with him and figured it was because he probably had stuff at Rose’s house. After all he still had things at Poldark House, so that made sense.

As they approached the front door, Ross could hear barking. Rose unlocked it and led them into the living room, and she was nearly bowled over by two black puffballs with bright boot button eyes. She bent down, fussing over the dogs and giving Ross the opportunity to look around the room. It was compact and there was an open fireplace at one side with a sofa and a single armchair crowded around it. He could see a door to what he presumed to be the kitchen, and a narrow staircase leading up. Then he looked back at Jim, who was now on his haunches getting a face wash from two bright pink tongues.

‘I hope you like dogs.’ Rose grinned. ‘That’s Port and Starboard.’ She laughed as the two dogs retreated from Jim and approached Ross, sniffing at his ankles. ‘You and Jim are in his room.’ she said to Ross as she pulled off her gloves and unwound her scarf from around her neck. ‘It’s a little on the small side but I’m sure you don’t mind being in close quarters. The good thing is it has a stone wall between it and my room so I won’t hear a thing should you want to break his bed in.’ She winked at Ross and for a moment he was speechless. Never in a million years would Liv have even put him and Jim in the same room, let alone joked about the amount of noise they might make during sex. To hide his embarrassment, he dropped to one knee and petted the dogs. They were on the small side, with thick black fur and pointed ears like foxes and they wagged their tails at him.

‘Mom, don’t scare him.’ Jim said. He gave Ross a small smile, the earlier incident still making things a little awkward between them. ‘Ross is old school.’

‘Oh.’ Rose grinned at Ross as she addressed him. ‘Does that mean you and my son haven’t fucked yet?’ Ross’ mouth fell open and she gave what could only very politely described as a filthy laugh as she looked at Jim. ‘You’re right, this one is very easy to shock.’ She headed through the kitchen doorway. ‘Go get settled you two and I’ll put the kettle on.’ She disappeared through the doorway, the dogs in tow, and Ross was left alone with Jim. He looked at him and was surprised to see that Jim’s normally confident demeanour had been replaced with one that was a lot more unsure. He was chewing on his lower lip and then he shrugged.

‘If you want I could sleep down here.’ he said, and Ross frowned.

‘Why would you want to do that?’ he asked.

‘Because you’ve got that look again.’ Jim said, and there was an unhappy note in his voice. ‘Like you’d rather be anywhere but here.’

‘I’m fine.’ Ross said, trying to keep his voice steady. ‘I’m just tired.’

‘Then you can go up. I’m probably going to stay up and talk to Rose for a bit.’ Jim said. He gestured to the staircase. ‘It’s the one on the left.’

Ross nodded and left him, going up the narrow staircase. It was deceptively steep and he ended up putting one hand out to steady himself. At the top was a landing and two doors. He opened the one on the left and found himself in Jim’s room. He switched on the light and looked around

It was almost cluttered, books covering almost every surface and stuffed into a tall bookcase against the wall to his left. The only other furniture was the bed, a low lying wooden bed dressed in navy blue bed linen, a plain wood bedside table and a chest of drawers against the opposite wall. The walls were white and Ross saw another door in the wall adjacent to the bed. Inspection revealed that was a bathroom.

He chucked his bag on the bed and looked at the myriad of objects that crowded the top of the chest of drawers. There was a collection of shells, more books and a wooden box. There was also a silver framed picture and Ross picked it up. The man in it was good looking, the lines of his face echoed in his son downstairs, and Ross saw that his hair was lighter than the dark gold of Jim and Rose. He was wearing a naval uniform, cap under arm.

‘That’s my dad.’ Jim’s voice came from the doorway. Ross turned to see him standing with a mug in his hand. ‘It was taken a month before he died. He was thirty-seven.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Ross said, putting the frame back down. He didn’t know why he said it.

‘It’s all right.’ Jim said. He came into the room and held out the mug to Ross. ‘It was a long time ago.’ Ross took the mug, and there was a tiny electric contact as their fingers brushed. Ross started to inhale, wanting to say something but Jim beat him to it. ‘You don’t need to say it back, not if it’s making you uncomfortable.’ He wasn’t quite looking at Ross, and then he moved to the window, looking out into the dark. ‘I understand.’

‘I…’ Ross started but then the words died in his throat. He tried again. ‘Jim, it’s not…’

‘Forget it.’ Jim’s reply was curt and then he turned and left, not looking back.

************

In the kitchen, Rose could hear the sound of Jim coming back down the stairs and smiled to herself. She remembered all those times when she’d admonished him for tearing up and down, his feet pounding the wooden steps, but it had never sunk in. Rob had done it as well and Jim simply had too much of his father in him to listen to her. He may have gotten his looks from her, but his personality was all Robert. He came into the kitchen and he could see the pain on his face, had seen it at dinner and picked up on the distance between him and Ross. She also knew that he would speak to her about it when he was ready and not a minute before. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t move things along.

‘He settled in?’ she asked and Jim made a non-committal noise. He took his own tea from her and they went into the living room. Rose took her usual seat in her armchair, the same one that had been Rob’s. Even after fourteen years his presence still lingered in their cottage. She tucked her feet up under her and looked thoughtfully at her son, who had come to sit on the sofa. Port and Starboard had jumped up with him and were now arranging themselves around him. Jim chuckled at them, toeing off his shoes and putting his feet up on the sofa so the dogs could curl in and around his legs. Port put her head in his lap, and Jim’s hand went to her ears, tugging and scratching. Rose could see him starting to relax a little, but she also knew him well enough to see the turmoil raging inside him.

‘He’s struggling with this.’ she said. ‘So are you.’ Jim didn’t look at her. Instead he looked into the flames of the fire he’d lit for her when Ross had gone upstairs.

‘It’s never been this hard to leave before.’ he said eventually. ‘I feel torn.’ Rose sighed.

‘You know, it was like that for Rob.’ she said. Jim looked up at her at the mention of his father’s name and her heart contracted a little at the eagerness in his eyes. He never tired of hearing about the father he’d adored. ‘When we first met, he didn’t give a whit for the land or the people on it. Even when we got married, I knew I’d always be sharing him and we were quite happy with that arrangement. But then one day he became torn, just like you are now.’

‘When?’ Jim asked.

‘When you were born.’ Rose said, giving him a smile. ‘I couldn’t lure him away from the sea, but you always had a hold on his heart that was as strong as his need to get out there. I think if you had asked him, he would have stayed for you.’

‘But it would have changed him.’ Jim said. He heaved a sigh. ‘It would change me. And it’s not like he isn’t going anywhere. And the place he’s going is a lot more dangerous.’ His voice dropped. ‘I worry.’

‘You always worry, Jim. It’ just what you do, worry and take care of people.’ Rose replied. ‘Without you doing that, I wouldn’t be here.’ He raised her eyebrows at him. ‘You want to care for him so badly and it hurts when he pushes you away. I can see that. He’s closed off, like Greg was. Let it never be said that my son doesn’t have a type.’ Jim huffed a laugh.

‘I really know how to pick them, don’t I?’ he said. ‘Christ, I have no idea what to do with him. He’s a lot worse than Greg was. At least Greg used to shout. Ross just closes off.’

‘Give him a day to settle in.’ Rose said. ‘He’s fighting with himself, anyone can see that. I think he’s just really scared of how much he loves you.’

‘Does he though?’ Jim’s voice was disconsolate and Rose felt a flash of hurt at it.

‘Of course he does.’ she replied. ‘Haven’t you seen the way he looks at you?’ Jim smiled at that.

They spoke late into the night, the conversation moving easily back and forth between them, until Rose finally called time and they went up to bed.

************

It was late when Jim came upstairs. Ross didn’t know what time it was, but he pretended to be asleep when Jim came in. he could hear him moving quietly around the room, shedding clothes and then going into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Ross opened his eyes and checked the time on his mobile. It was after two, and he put it back down and stared at the ceiling. The room was surprisingly light and then the door of the bathroom opened, the light clicking off as Jim came back into the room. He was in a t-shirt and sweats and Ross could smell the mint toothpaste he’d just used to brush his teeth. He came over to the bed and climbed in next to Ross, turning on his side to look at him. Ross looked back, all his feelings that he’d tried to hide from all night surging forward.

He moved forward and kissed him. Jim kissed him back, and then pulled back from him. Before he could say anything Ross did what he should have done earlier.

‘I love you.’ he whispered. Jim watched him, his eyes silvery grey in the moonlight. He reached out and ran his thumb over Ross’ eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking in a not-quite smile.

‘We should go to sleep.’ he murmured. ‘We’re both tired.’ Ross nodded and lay back down, turning so that Jim could move up behind him, chest to back with an arm pulling Ross close to him. Ross settled into Jim’s body, and felt him kiss the back of his neck.

‘I love you too, Ross.’ he whispered. ‘Now, sleep.’

Ross closed his eyes and slept.

 

This is what Port and Starboard look like :D

 


	3. Glycerine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One day down, two days to go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Glycerine by Bush

Ross woke up with a start and had a moment of disorientation before he realised where he was. The side of the bed where Jim had slept was empty and he put his hand into the space. It was cold. That meant that Jim had been up for some time. He rolled over and looked towards the window. The light was grey and dim, but that wouldn’t bother Jim at all. 

He got up, showered and dressed then went downstairs. He could hear Rose singing along with the radio in the kitchen and it reminded him of Barb, the housekeeper that had been at Poldark House when he was a child and then a teenager. He’d loved her and enjoyed a much happier relationship with her than his actual mother who’d viewed him largely as an inconvenience until he was old enough for her to deem him interesting. Barb had retired when he’d gone to university, and then headed off to the Bahamas with her pay out from his parents. She still sent him Christmas cards.

When Ross went down the stairs he could hear the patter of rain on the roof. He came into the kitchen and found Rose dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans tucked into cherry red wellies.

‘I can see where Jim gets his fashion sense from.’ he said and she turned, sunshine smile on her face.

‘Morning, duckie.’ she said and came over, pulling him down to her level and kissing him on the cheek. Ross was so surprised by the display of affection from a woman he’d only met the night before that he let her do it. ‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Yes, thank you.’ he said. ‘Is Jim up?’

‘He’s out with the dogs.’ Rose said then steered him towards the kitchen table. ‘Sit, we can have breakfast and then go find him. If we can see him through all this, that is.’ 

‘What about him?’ Ross asked. 

‘He’s already eaten.’ Rose said. ‘He has funny sleep patterns, always has had since he was little. I sometimes think he was born to be a sailor. Rob was the same. Sometimes I’d wake up and find them in Jim’s room, playing pirates at three in the morning. And then I’d come back from shopping at midday and find them on the sofa, Jim on Rob’s chest and both of them passed out. It was a bit of a problem when he went to school, but he learned to cope with it and swimming helped tire his brain and body out. That’s part of why he’s so methodical now, I suppose. Rob and I tried to direct him into as many structured activities as we could. The doctors wanted to stuff him full of Ritalin, which is no solution if you ask me.’

‘I didn’t know it was that bad.’ Ross said. In truth he was surprised, as Jim had told him nothing about it. 

‘Standard ADHD.’ Rose said. ‘Which is not standard at all. Right, let’s have some food and then we can go.’

She made them heuvos rancheros. Ross had never encountered them before and was marginally shocked by their arrival in front of them, but his first bite made him an instant convert.

‘Jim brings me cookbooks. This one is from a book he got me a couple of years ago when the Dragon was in the Caribbean.’ Rose said, using her tortilla to mop up the rest of the sauce on her plate. She popped it in her mouth with a noise of great satisfaction. ‘Right, we’ll take the pathway down to the beach. Best wrap up warm. It’ll be very chilly and quite wet out there. I am not a great one for the weather like this, but Jim will be out there for hours if you let him.’

They went to the front door and pulled on coats and gloves. Then Rose let them out, and led Ross down past the side of the house towards the long stretch of beach below the house. It had changed from actual rain to drizzle, but it was still miserable and the air was very cold. Rose dug an obnoxiously bright red woollen hat with a pompom on the top from her pocket and pulled it over her fair hair. She shoved her hands in her now empty pockets and stomped along cheerfully, wellie kicking up water whenever she went through puddles. Ross followed in her wake, head down so he didn’t get water in his face.

At the bottom of the headland there was a rocky pathway that led down onto the sand and they stopped. Ross could just make out Jim’s solitary figure walking along the waterline, with two small black blobs frolicking around him.

‘What is he doing down there?’ he asked. 

‘Walking, thinking, listening to music. What he does when something is bothering him.’ Rose said and Ross flushed as he realised that she was looking pointedly at him. ‘He’s always done it, wandered off down there to commune with the ocean. When he was a baby, I had one crazy moment when I thought he’d turn out to be a landlubber like me, but he is his father’s son. He’s always loved the sea from the time he was big enough to paddle in it.’ She laughed. ‘He likes to entertain this thought that he wanted to be a chef when he was a teenager, and while he is an excellent cook he was only doing that for my sake. He’s always belonged out there. Rob taught him to sail a dinghy when he was barely eight years old and that was it. Jim is a sailor through and through. If you cut him, he bleeds seawater.’ 

‘He told me he swims.’ Ross said. ‘Out there.’

‘He does. If it was a couple of degrees warmer he probably would be.’ Rose smiled. ‘I used to worry about him spending so much time by himself when he was a child, but I think it’s always been his way of dealing with how he is.’

They got to the bottom of the pathway and walked out onto the sand. Ross could now hear the excited yipping of the dogs way off in the distance.

‘I kind of know how he feels.’ Ross said and then realised he’d said the words aloud. Rose was looking at him, and he gave a shrug. ‘I used to do the same thing at home. Just kind of wander around the grounds. I didn’t have many friends. I grew up mostly with my cousin Verity, but she wasn’t always around.’ He looked at Rose. ‘I don’t know why I’m telling you this.’

‘Landlady’s knack.’ Rose said. ‘I hear all sorts of confessions. And Jim didn’t either, not until he was ten and we sent him to Junior Sea Cadets and he met the girls.’

‘Billie and Jackie?’ Ross asked and Rose nodded. ‘I had no idea they’d known each other that long.’

‘It was so funny.’ Rose said. ‘We used to tease Jim about having two girlfriends, and then they grew up and Jim turned out not to be so interested in girlfriends and Billie and Jackie became very interested in each other.’ 

‘So, you’ve known a long time?’ Ross asked and then caught himself. ‘I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.’

‘Why not?’ Rose’s blue eyes were intent. ‘It’s not like he ever had anything to hide.’

‘No, I can see that.’ Ross said. ‘He’s lucky.’ 

‘You weren’t obviously.’ Rose said. ‘Do your parents know? If you don’t mind me asking, that is?’

‘Yes, they do. But we don’t talk about it.’ Ross said. ‘I’ve never brought anyone home to meet them, and they don’t ask if I’m seeing anyone. And, no, I don’t mind you asking. It’s bizarrely easy to talk to you about this.’

‘That’s because you don’t know me, duckie. But it’s also because I’m interested in finding out about you.’ Rose said. ‘The best listeners are the ones who have an investment in what they’re being told. And I’m leaving the heart of the person I love most in the world in your hands so I am most definitely invested.’ Her voice was kind, but Ross could hear the hint of steel in it. It gave him pause, and then he decided to put his cards on the table.

‘I’ve never met anyone like Jim before.’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to do with this.’

‘It’s mutual if that’s what you’re wondering.’ Rose replied. ‘I have never seen Jim like this before either. It’s like someone’s switched a light on inside him. You did that.’ Ross looked down the beach to the figure, Rose’s words kicking off a warm surge of feeling, filling him up and making his heart beat faster. His eyes fixed on Jim and he heard Rose chuckle. He turned to her. She was smiling at him in a way he’d never seen before, a pleased considering way like she’d weighed him up and found that he was exactly what she wanted. ‘And there’s that look.’

‘What look?’ he asked.

‘The look that tells me that you’re in love with my son.’ Rose said. ‘The look that makes me feel like I can trust you with him.’ She gestured in Jim’s direction. ‘Go get him, Ross. He’s been waiting for you his whole life.’ 

Ross watched as Rose walked past him, heading back at right angles to the sea grass at the edge. She gave a piercing whistle and the two black blobs ran from where they were bouncing around Jim and took off up the beach towards her.  
He turned back in the direction of Jim and started walking along the sand towards him. It took about five minutes but eventually he was close enough to make out his dark blond hair, burnished dull gold by the winter sun. Jim had his hands in his pockets and he was staring out to sea, a faraway look on his face. It wasn’t until Ross was within ten feet of him that he realised Ross was there. He turned and pulled the earbuds from his ears, a smile on his face. 

‘Hey.’ he said. ‘You should have stayed inside, it’s really shitty out here.’ His hair was damp and spiky and Ross felt an urge to run his fingers through it. The dull light made his eyes look the same blue-grey as the ocean behind him. And just like that Ross realised that he was so far gone, so deeply in love with Jim that there was no way back for him. It was terrifying and exhilarating in equal measures. Jim noticed the look on Ross’ face and frowned. ‘Everything okay?’ 

‘No.’ he replied. ‘I think I’m in really big trouble.’ Then he took two steps, closing the distance between them and kissed Jim, tasting salt on his mouth. When he pulled back, Jim was looking at him searchingly.

‘Guess that makes two of us.’ he replied.


	4. Maybe Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday night and some well-meaning people make things so much worse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Maybe Tomorrow by The Stereophonics

The pub was busy. Every corner was packed with people, but then it was Saturday night. Ross sat and watched Jim working behind the bar with Trish, laughing and joking with the people who had come in, many of whom he appeared to know well. The arrivals had included Jackie’s parents who were now sitting at the table with Ross, chatting about the general state of funding in the armed forces. Ross was listening with only half an ear, his eyes locked on Jim. 

It had been like that since their walk on the beach. There had been little conversation between them, but Jim had taken his hand, and Ross had gladly given it as they walked along the sand taking their time to get back to the house. Then they’d stayed in, watching Netflix on the sofa together with the dogs making abortive attempts to get on and lie in various positions. Eventually Jim had chucked them both off and they’d gone to curl up on Rose’s chair, nose to tail like a yin-yang symbol. 

Ross took a sip of his beer, and felt his stomach tighten as he contemplated the fact that they had only two nights and one day left to them. It was like some sort of dreadful countdown, and while he was used to the anticipation of deployment, the feeling of not wanting to go was not something he had any experience with. He’d sat on the sofa, Jim’s legs stretched across him and spent as much time just looking at the man who would be leaving him behind in two days as the film itself.

‘We’re very thankful that Jackie is not on the frontline, not like yourself.’ Gary’s words interrupted Ross’ thoughts and he turned back to Jackie’s father. ‘I can’t imagine that will be pleasant.’

‘It’s not as bad as the media makes out.’ Ross replied. ‘Camp Bastion is very safe and very comfortable.’ He forced himself to sound cheerful. ‘We even have our own Pizza Hut.’

‘But still.’ Emily said. Jackie’s mother had the same dark green eyes and sandy hair as her daughter, but Ross could see now that Jackie’s face and her height were her father’s. ‘I wouldn’t be happy to send my daughter out there. Don’t your parents worry?’ That almost made Ross laugh. They’d been furious when he’d rescinded his offer to go do his MBa and joined the army instead. And they had certainly never been the type of parents to really bother themselves with what he got up to on deployment. 

‘No.’ he replied. ‘They don’t worry about it too much. They know that I am experienced enough to stay out of trouble.’ He gave them an overly bright smile. ‘It’s a deployment like any other. I’ve been through three of them already.’

‘And have you seen any action?’ Gary asked, and he and Emily looked at Ross with interest.

‘Some.’ Ross said. ‘I’ve been in a couple of hairy situations, but I’ve managed to come out the other side. You just have to keep your head.’ He was getting increasingly uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to people taking such an interest in his personal safety, and he thought of the many times his parents hadn’t called when he either left or came back. Aside from his coming out parade at Sandringham, they had not attended a single function related to his work or shown any interest in what he did day to day. 

‘You must be very brave to put your life on the line like that.’ Emily said. She turned to Gary and smiled. ‘Jim has picked a good one it would seem.’ 

‘Or a stupid one.’ Ross said and they laughed. 

‘Nonsense.’ Gary replied. ‘You do work that the whole country should be grateful for. God knows we appreciate it.’

‘Thank you.’ Ross said. 

************

Jim watched from the bar as Ross chatted with Jackie’s parents. He’d been happy leaving him with them, knowing they would keep him occupied while he helped Trish out. It was second nature to him, having worked in the pub the whole way through his degree. 

‘Stop watching him. He’s not going to vanish in front of your eyes.’ Trish admonished as she came past with a couple of pints. She delivered them to the final waiting couple and rang up their bill, took the money and returned their change. Then she came back over to Jim. ‘He’s fine with them.’

‘I know.’ Jim said. ‘I just can’t shake this feeling like…’ he trailed off and Trish frowned.

‘Like what?’ she asked.

‘Like he’s pulling away from me.’ Jim said. ‘He’s different this weekend. It’s almost like he’s getting ready to break up with me.’ 

‘Bollocks.’ Trish said. ‘He’s probably just a little freaked out by the fact that you’re both leaving next week for an awfully long time. If you think about it, you two have hardly been together. I bet if you compressed all the actual time you’ve spent in each other’s company it would amount to less than two months.’

‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’ Jim said. ‘You’re right. I guess I just want things to not go south if we’re away from each other for this long.’ 

‘They won’t, not if the way he is around you is any indication. He’s crazy about you, anyone can see it.’ Trish leaned back against the bar. ‘He’s just scared, and I would be too if I was already looking at this as a long term thing. Have you thought about that?’

‘What do you mean?’ Jim was frowning but Trish knew that he could see where she was going.

I know what you’re like Jim.’ she said. ‘You’re already playing happily-ever-after in your head. Ross, however, seems like the type that needs his space. Maybe all this is freaking him out.’ 

‘So what do I do?’ Jim was biting his lower lip and Trish hid a smile at the childhood gesture that came out in the man whenever he felt uncertain. 

‘Talk to him. Tell him that there’s no pressure, that you’ll pick things up when you get back. I’m sure he doesn’t need that added stress of you worrying when he’s about to go to one of the most dangerous places on Earth.’ Trish pushed herself up from the counter. ‘Now get out of here and go sit with your boyfriend.’ She swatted at him with the dish cloth she was holding and Jim smiled.

He would never tell her that her words, as well meaning as they were, had just made him feel a whole lot worse.

**********

Ross saw Jim come out from behind the bar and cross the pub to their table. He also saw the look on his face that Jim was trying unsuccessfully to hide. 

‘Jim.’ Gary said. ‘We were just talking to Ross about frontline life. Turns out to be quite something.’ 

‘Yes.’ Emily said. ‘He was telling us about the time his patrol vehicle hit an IED and overturned.’ Ross didn’t have to look at Jim to gauge his reaction to that. He heard the sharp inhalation and kept his eyes firmly on the table so he didn’t have to look at him. ‘At least I can be thankful that the girls will never have to encounter something like that.’

‘Although,’ Gary said, turning back to Ross, ‘when they went to the Caribbean the last time the Dragon was in a Force Ten storm. We didn’t hear from them for five days and Emily was convinced they’d sunk to the bottom of the sea.’

‘Oh, I did not!’ Emily retorted. ‘And you were the one constantly ringing Portsmouth for news.’

‘But surely the Dragon would never sink.’ Ross said, aghast. The thought had never crossed his mind, but now it was all he could think about. He lifted his eyes and looked at Jim. Jim was chewing on his lip and his face clearly showed how unhappy he was.

‘All ships can sink, Ross.’ Gary said sagely, ‘I’ve been sailing since I was knee high and I can tell you now that is the one certainty of the ocean. No ship is safe.’ He caught the look of horror on Ross’ face and then realised his error. ‘Of course the Dragon is a modern warship and they drill relentlessly for emergencies, don’t they Jim?’

‘Relentlessly.’ Jim echoed. He looked at Ross. ‘I think maybe we should get on. Rose said she’s going to stay here tonight.’ 

‘Oh.’ Ross said. ‘All right.’ He drained his glass, and got up and picked up his jacket from the back of the chair. ‘It was very nice meeting you.’ He said to Gary and Emily who raised their glasses at him.

‘Likewise, young man.’ Gary replied. ‘And good luck to you.’

**********

They left, walking to the car and getting in in silence. Once inside they both sat there a moment.

‘Fuck.’ Jim said eventually. 

‘Yeah, that.’ Ross replied. He looked at Jim. ‘This is not going the way I thought it would go.’

‘No shit.’ Jim sighed heavily and put both hands on the steering wheel. He didn’t look at Ross. ‘IEDs?’

‘Hurricanes?’ Ross replied. They sat and the tension between them got worse.

‘You know.’ Jim started, but his voice was hesitant, ‘I wouldn’t blame you if you thought this was all going too quickly.’

‘What are you trying to say?’ Ross asked. The sick feeling was back.

‘That if you wanted out, now would be the best time to say it.’ Jim still wouldn’t look at him. ‘I know I am full on sometimes, and if you think I’m being…’ he stopped when Ross reached out and put his hand on his arm.

‘I don’t.’ he said, his own voice full of nameless fears. ‘I don’t…’ Jim nodded.

‘All right.’ He said, then switched on the car. ‘Let’s go back to the house and we can talk about this a bit, yeah?’ 

‘Yeah.’ Ross replied. 

************

The dogs were asleep on the sofa when they came in the house, hardly twitching an ear to acknowledge their presence. Jim locked the door behind him and they went upstairs, Ross frst and Jim after. There was a heaviness to their movements that hadn’t been there before.

Once in the room, Ross sat down on the edge of the bed. Jim went to the other side and copied him, so they were back to back.

‘So, now what?’ Jim said, and Ross half turned to look at him.

‘Now nothing.’ He replied. ‘I don’t want to end things with you. It’s just that this is all…’

‘A lot?’ Jim asked.

‘A lot.’ Ross replied. ‘I haven’t had anyone to say goodbye to before. You’re probably a whole lot better at this than I am.’ 

‘Don’t count on it.’ Jim said. He sighed again. ‘I’m going to take a shower and then we can sleep if you want.’ He knew he was skirting around things, but he was terrified of what Ross would say if he tried to make an issue out of what was quickly becoming a serious question between them. He got up and left Ross, going into the bathroom but not quite closing the door behind him. Then he turned on the shower, keen to wash the pub smell off of him and maybe something else as well. 

The water was hot by the time Jim got in, letting it hit him in the face and wash down the back of his neck. He close his eyes, and tried to let it all go. He didn’t notice the soft pad of feet until the shower door opened and he felt Ross at his back, body pressed against his and arms reaching around to hold him.

He turned in Ross’ arms, looking up at him. He wanted desperately to say something, tell him how much he was feeling and how terrified he was that Ross wouldn’t come back to him, but the words died in his throat. Instead he stood up on his toes and kissed him once, a soft kiss with what he hoped was no pressure or demand attached to it. But when their moths met, it was as if Ross was frozen to the spot, hardly reacting at all. Jim pulled back, a little too quickly and about to apologise when he saw the unmistakable heat in Ross’ dark eyes. Instantly all his doubts and fears vanished in the face of it, and when Ross caught him by the back of the head and pulled him back into a kiss that was so intense it took his breath away, Jim went willingly.

This was what had been missing, this overwhelming need for each other that they’d been trying too hard to block out in the face of their impending separation. The kiss got harder and more frantic, a battle of teeth and tongues that had Ross backing Jim up against the wall, the fingers of one hand digging into his upper arms as he used his height to pin Jim there, the other hand on his chest. The tiles of the shower were cold, but Jim could care less. He gave into the soaring surge of need he was feeling and reached for Ross, hands on his hips pulling him against him. They both broke away to gasp as their cocks connected and then it took both of them. Their hands descended simultaneously, taking hold of each other and using the same rhythm as they kissed again, open mouthed and messy. The water was in their faces and the floor was slippery and they both desperately wanted it to go on for ever but the feeling between them was so desperate they could do nothing but hang on to each other, hands working until they both came crying out into each other’s mouths. Then they let each other go, looking down to wash their mutual release off their hands. Ross leaned down, forehead against Jim’s shoulder. 

‘That was ridiculously short.’ he muttered. ‘I’m sorry.’ 

‘Don’t be.’ Jim replied. ‘I don’t think either of us can really focus right now.’ He reached up, stroking through Ross’ wet hair. ‘Besides, Rose isn’t here. We have all night.’ He stroked his other hand down Ross’ back and Ross almost curled into the soothing rhythm. ‘And even then, we only have to do something if you want it.’

‘Don’t you want it?’ Ross asked, pulling back and Jim saw his face was just as worried as he felt. 

‘Of course I do.’ he replied. ‘I just thought that you might not want to do anything too intense. We’re both on edge right now, and you’ve been kind of pulling away from me.’ Ross’ face fell, and Jim kicked himself for not saying the right thing. ‘It doesn’t mean I don’t want you, because I do. Christ, we’d have fucked half a dozen times by now under normal circumstances. It’s just that…’

‘These are not normal circumstances.’ Ross finished for him. ‘I get it.’ He stepped back from Jim and got out the shower, leaving Jim behind.

‘Ross.’ Jim called after him, but his only answer was the sound of the bathroom door closing. He leaned his head back against the wall. ‘Fuck.’ 

By the time he got out the shower, Ross was either sleeping or pretending to be sleeping. Jim couldn’t bring himself to get in the bed, so he went downstairs and lay on the sofa. He put the TV on, finding a re-run of Predator that he watched half-heartedly, cuddling Starboard in his arms and with Port wrapped around his feet. He didn’t know what time he dropped off, but he was still in the same place on the sofa when he woke up in the morning.


	5. Love Runs out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning after Jim has slept on the sofa...time for talking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Love Runs Out by One Republic

Ross lay in Jim’s bed and watched the light outside the window change from black to grey to mauve and then to the soft silvery colour that winter mornings in Somerset seemed to have. He hadn’t slept much and when he’d woken at about five in the morning, Jim’s side of the bed had been empty. He’d gotten up and gone downstairs, trying not to make too much noise on the creaking staircase and found Jim asleep on the sofa with Port and Starboard curled behind his knees and under his arm respectively. Ross had debated waking him, maybe with a kiss to say sorry for acting like an immature brat the night before, but something had stopped him and he’d retreated back up the stairs to the bed that should have had both of them in it. Then he just lay there, going over everything in his mind until he made a decision, one he knew was the right one.

Ross leaned over and picked up his mobile phone, noting the time. It was just after nine, and he wondered if Jim was awake yet. He couldn’t hear anything from downstairs, so he got up and went to the bedroom door that he’d deliberately left ajar. Then he heard the sound of Jim’s voice talking in low tones so he put on his game face and went downstairs.

Ross found Jim in the kitchen talking to the dogs. He was on his haunches, barefoot and with his hair sticking up, Starboard’s face in his hands as he scratched behind his ears, and he looked up at Ross as he appeared in the doorway. Their gazes met and Ross felt terrible at the look of uncertainty he found in Jim’s eyes.

‘Hey.’ he said, and Jim straightened up to face him.

‘Hey.’ he replied. ‘I didn’t know you were up.’ His face was wary and Ross hated himself for causing it. 

‘I didn’t really sleep.’ he said, and saw Jim frown in concern. And that was it, in a nutshell. Ross didn’t want him to look like that on his behalf, to have a single moment of distraction or unhappiness because of him. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he knew they had to do. But just as he inhaled, Jim spoke.

‘This is stupid.’ he said and Ross was caught on the back foot. 

‘What is?’ he asked. 

‘This.’ Jim said. ‘Us pussyfooting around each other like this. It’s bloody ridiculous.’

‘I know, so I think that we should..’ Ross started but Jim interrupted him.

‘That we should what? Finish this?’ Jim’s blue-green eyes were flashing and Ross was surprised by the vehemence of his words. ‘Are you seriously saying that we’re done with each other, because I think we are about as far from being done with each other as we could possibly be.’ He stepped forward and Ross could almost feel the electricity sparking between them. ‘I am not going to let you walk away from me just because this is the first time you have somebody who cares enough to worry about what happens to you when you get on that plane next Friday and fly into a war zone.’

‘You can’t ask me to ignore that fact either.’ Ross replied, and his voice was shaking. ‘I hate the idea that you’re going to spend more time thinking about me and worrying about me than you should.’

‘But it’s my time to spend doing that if I want to.’ Jim replied. ‘And asking me not to worry about you would be like asking me not to breathe.’ 

‘But you shouldn’t have to.’ Ross insisted. ‘I don’t want to make your life difficult or complicated or…’

‘Or the best fucking six months I’ve ever had?’ Jim asked. ‘Do you have any idea how incredible it’s been, being with you? Even if you are fucking miles away and I only get to see you for a couple of days at a time. I would rather spend an hour with you than a year with anyone else. And I know eight months is a long time, and it’s longer than we’ve even been together but I will wait. I love you, even if your stubborn brain is refusing to process that fact.’

Ross was silent, his heart pounding as the words came out of Jim’s mouth. Words he was overjoyed and dismayed to hear at the same time. 

‘Say it, Ross.’ Jim said. ‘I can hear your brain working from here. Say what you want to say and then we’ll fix it.’

‘I might not come back.’ Ross said, and the truth of those words hurt him so badly he choked up. 

‘So?’ Jim said. ‘You want to end this because you may or may not die out there? I may or may not die on deployment. Fuck, we could drive back tomorrow and wiped off the road by some wanker in a semi. I’m not going to stop loving you because you’re afraid for me and for me getting hurt if something happens to you.’ He moved forward again and now he was close enough for Ross to touch him if he wanted to. ‘And I’m not going to let you go regardless of how hard you try to make me.’ He was inches from Ross now, and Ross ducked his head, eyes down. 

‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’ he whispered. ‘I don’t want you to feel the way I’ve made you feel the last two days.’

‘You let me worry about how I’m feeling.’ Jim said. He reached up, hands on either side of Ross’ face and made him look at him. ‘I love you Ross Poldark, and there isn’t a fucking thing you can do to change my mind.’ Ross looked back at him, into his eyes which were burning with intensity and nodded once. Then Jim leaned up and kissed him. 

Ross couldn’t help himself, all he wanted was to dive in and let himself be lost in Jim, like drowning in a warm clear ocean. He responded, and put his arms around Jim’s shoulders, feeling the strength in them, and let himself go. He kissed harder, his tongue brushing Jim’s mouth and then he was overwhelmed by the intensity of the response he got. Jim practically threw himself at him, and the kiss intensified as Jim walked both of them back out the kitchen until Ross felt the arm of the sofa against the back of his legs. He pulled back from Jim, breathless, and Jim gave him a crooked smile then put one hand in the middle of his chest and shoved.

Ross ended up on his back on the sofa, and in a trice Jim was on top of him. It took them a moment to sort out knees and elbows but then Jim’s mouth was on his again and it blanked Ross’ mind. He reached up, hand at the back of Jim’s head and opened his mouth to him, and the blood started to rush in his ears as he felt the surge of feeling coming up to carry him away. Jim had one hand still on his chest, bracing him against Ross, and the other under Ross’ t-shirt, fingers tracing his ribs and hip. They kissed for ages like that, until they were both hard and panting. Eventually Jim pushed himself up and pulled his t-shirt over his head, chucking it on the floor with a wicked gleam in his eyes that Ross found he’d missed terribly.

‘Bed. You. Now.’ he said and Ross smiled properly for the first time in what felt like forever but which had realistically only been a week.

‘Are we trying this again?’ he asked and Jim laughed, the sound of it making Ross’ heart soar.

‘If you think I am letting you leave this house unfucked before the weekend is over, you are very much mistaken.’ he said and got off Ross, holding out a hand. ‘We’ve wasted enough time.’ Ross took it and Jim hauled him to his feet. ‘Come on.’

They made their way up the stairs slowly, mostly because they kept getting stuck as they tried to keep kissing the whole way. Eventually they more or less fell through Jim’s bedroom door together and onto his bed, Jim underneath Ross. Ross tried to get up to take his shirt off, but Jim trapped him, one foot locking at the back of his thigh and pulling him down so their cocks ground down against each other.

‘Oh fuck.’ Ross managed, all his breath escaping at the feeling of it. 

‘I know.’ Jim replied, hands under the back of Ross’ sweats, nails raking the skin. ‘I feel like I’m going to go crazy if you don’t fuck me in the next ten minutes.’ His pupils were wide and dark and his breathing was rapid and erratic. ‘God, I want you.’

‘Then let me go and you can have me.’ Ross said and Jim laughed again and released him long enough for Ross to climb of the bed and strip off his clothes. Jim did the same, lying back with his head on his hands as Ross scratched around in his bag until he found the lube he was looking for and chucked it on the bed next to Jim’s head. Then he stood and looked down at him, the perfect musculature, the dark tan starting to fade so the starkly contrasting lines were softer, the dark gold hair that ran from his chest down to his groin. He focused on each thing, trying to commit all of Jim to memory.

‘Ross.’ Jim said and Ross looked at him. ‘While I am grateful for your obvious appreciation, I really think you should come here.’

‘In a minute.’ Ross found himself saying. He got onto the bed, kneeling over Jim and reached down, fingers tracing the lines of his abdominals, enjoying the texture of the hair under his fingertips and the silky skin underneath that. He looked up at Jim. ‘You’re so perfect, sometimes it hurts to look at you. Everything, the way you feel under my hands, the way you smell.’ He bit his lip, trying to stifle the outpouring of love he was feeling. 

Jim must have read this on his face because he sat up abruptly, his arms going around Ross to pull him down gently. Ross settled with his elbows either side of Jim’s head and looked done at him. Jim smiled and traced the line of Ross’ lower lip with his forefinger.

‘I love you.’ he said simply. Ross leaned down and rested his forehead against Jim’s.

‘I love you.’ he replied, and then kissed him. Jim smiled against his mouth.

‘Finally.’ he said when they separated. ‘I was starting to feel like the last boat in the yard.’

‘’I have no idea what that means, but I am sorry.’ Ross said. He lowered his weight onto Jim, settling into the now familiar curves of his body and brushed the fair hair back from his face. ‘I do love you. Way too much, I’m starting to think.’

‘No such thing.’ Jim said, arching up against him in a way that was very distracting. His hands were on Ross’ flanks, stroking lightly. ‘But if you think that then know that no matter how much you think you love me and how too much it might be, then I’m right there with you. You’re so far inside my head I don’t think I could ever let you go. However, I am quite prepared to kick you off this fucking bed if you don’t get inside me right now.’

‘Oh really?’ Ross asked. He reached down, sliding his hand between them until he found Jim’s cock, hard against his hand. He took it, stroking up once and Jim caught his breath. ‘Well in that case I had better not keep you waiting.’

‘No.’ Jim’s voice was a breathless gasp as Ross squeezed just so. ‘You’d better not. Oh God, you’d better not.’ The last sentence pitched high as Ross dragged his thumb slowly over the head of Jim’s cock. ‘Oh fuck…’ Ross grinned and dropped his head to Jim’s shoulder, letting his tongue drag along the skin. He kissed along until he reached the junction of neck and shoulder and gently bit down. Jim moaned very loudly in his ear, even more noticeable than usual in the quiet house. Ross moved lower, kissing along the line of Jim’s collar bone and down his chest, moving back onto his knees as he went. He tongued one nipple and Jim’s breathing got louder, soft pants and quiet moans setting the air alight around them. Ross kept at it, hand and mouth working in tandem until he happened to glance up and notice something. He lifted his head and got a disgruntled noise from the man underneath him, but he just gave him a poke in the ribs.

‘Uh, Jim?’ he said. ‘We have company.’ Jim tilted his head back and burst out laughing. There were two pairs of inquisitive bright black eyes looking at them from the end of the bed. 

‘Are you trying to say that you are happy to blow me on the side of a public road, but my mom’s dogs are bothering you?’ he asked and his eyes were mischievous. 

‘They look like they’re going to hold up scorecards any minute.’ Ross said. Jim snorted.

‘Fine.’ he said, then wriggled until he was on his stomach. Ross took the opportunity presented and draped himself over him. ‘Now listen you two.’ Jim said to Port and Starboard. ‘This is that last time I’m going to get laid before both Ross and I go on deployment, and if you two don’t fuck off he’s going to get performance anxiety. So fuck off’ They tilted their heads at him, then got up and trotted off out the room. ‘See, problem solved.’ He looked back over his shoulder at Ross, who was amazed at what he’d just seen.

‘Bloody hell.’ he said.

‘They’re one of the most intelligent breeds.’ Jim said. ‘They’re boat dogs so they would have to be.’ 

‘Fascinating.’ Ross said, reaching for the lube. ‘Now shut the fuck up.’ Jim obediently dropped his head back down, and Ross moved so he was lying alongside him. He slicked his fingers and reached down, making Jim arch up as he traced his entrance and then slid one in. Ross moved so that he was half covering Jim’s body and worked it slowly until he felt Jim’s body relax and then added another one. His kissed the tanned shoulder underneath him, and Jim turned his head so they were looking at each other. Their eyes locked and then they simultaneously moved, mouths meeting halfway. It was a while before they separated and Ross saw the unspoken direction in Jim’s eyes.

He moved over him, fingers pulling out and braced himself over Jim’s prone body, guiding himself in and pushing inside. There was a sharp inhalation from Jim, and then he pushed back against Ross, so he slid all the way in until their bodies were flat against each other. Jim reached back, hand in Ross’ hair and Ross reached around the other side, arm cushioning Jim’s chest.

‘Do it.’ Jim breathed. ‘Fuck me slowly. I want to feel all of you. I want to remember all of you.’ Ross kissed the back of his neck, and then started to move, infinitely gentle. He kept his thrusts smooth, almost all the way out and then all the way back in again, and Jim moaned into the duvet beneath him. ‘Yes, come on baby. Oh God, you feel so good…’ His fingers were tugging lightly on Ross’ hair and he pushed back into every slow thrust until Ross broke and started moaning with him. 

They moved together, every touch and every sensation etching itself on their hearts and memories until Jim gave one hard tug and demanded harder and more and Ross gave it to him, their bodies impacting loudly in the quiet room and their panting rising in synchronisation. 

‘Christ, harder.’ Jim groaned, and Ross backed up, pulling out and getting onto his knees. He gave Jim a slap to the backside.

‘On your knees, Lieutenant.’ he said, voice rough with want. He reached for Jim, getting him by the hips and pulling him up so he was braced on his elbows, head down and backside in the air. Ross pushed back in and started thrusting harder, each stroke nailing Jim’s prostate on the downward angle and Jim’s panting turned to harsh cries as Ross slammed into him.

‘God, yes.’ he almost shouted. ‘Harder. I want to feel you all the way inside me.’ Ross answered with a thrust that moved him halfway up the bed and Jim’s shout was almost loud enough to rattle the widow. 

‘You wanted it hard.’ Ross said, leaning down far enough to lick up Jim’s spine. His skin was salty with sweat and he shivered like a nervous horse at the touch of Ross’ tongue. ‘I’m just trying to give you what you asked for.’

‘Fuck you, Ross.’ he grunted from somewhere inside the duvet which was bunched under his hands and face and Ross did it again, and then continued until he felt the tremors starting inside Jim and gave one last hard thrust to drive them both over the edge, their orgasms coinciding perfectly. 

They collapsed down onto the bed, and Ross heard Jim chuckle softly. Then they both froze as they heard the sound of the front door opening.

‘Boys!’ Rose called from downstairs. ‘I’m back.’ 

‘Fucking hell.’ Jim muttered as they desperately tried to disentangle themselves. ‘That woman has the most god awful timing. I swear every damn time I have had sex in this house she has caught me.’

‘Really?’ Ross said, rolling over to get off the bed. Jim followed and they closeted themselves in the bathroom, both still breathing heavily. ‘Has that been a lot?’

‘You jealous?’ Jim asked, grinning at him. Ross was about to retort when footsteps interrupted him.

‘Boys?’ Rose’s voice was coming up the stairs and they looked at each other. ‘Jim? Are you home?’ They heard her stop at the doorway to his room, and there was silence for a moment. ‘Ah.’ They both knew she was taking in the disrupted state of the bed. ‘I see you two have been busy while I was gone. I’m going to take that as a sign that breakfast has not been made, so I’ll just be in the kitchen.’ They could hear her cackling all the way down the stairs. 

‘So.’ Jim said, moving past Ross and turning on the shower. ‘Are we good?’ His tone was light, but Ross could hear the seriousness behind it.

‘For now.’ he replied, as truthfully as he could.


	6. Love Love Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day in Watchet and an unexpected dinner invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men

Rose lifted her eyes from the paper just enough to twinkle at Jim over the top as he came into the kitchen.

‘I suppose my ears should be thankful I came in when I did and not sooner.’ She said, and Jim crinkled his nose at her, just like he had when he was ten and considerably more freckled than he was now. 

‘Sorry.’ he said going to the cupboard and taking out two mugs then reaching for the coffee. ‘It just kind of happened.’

‘Ah.’ Rose said. She folded the paper and put it down. She raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Is everything alright?’

‘I think so.’ Jim said. ‘I hope so.’ There was a sound on the stairs and Ross came into the kitchen. He gave Rose a sheepish smile.

‘Good morning, Rose.’ he said and she smiled back.

‘Good morning yourself.’ She replied, and then indicated the chair next to her. ‘Come and sit.’ Ross went and sat down next to her and Jim brought their coffee over and handed Ross his mug. Ross took it and there was a little spark as they eyes connected momentarily. Rose noticed and chuckled.

‘We have been invited out tonight.’ she said and Jim looked at her quizzically.

‘Yeah?’ he asked, and sat down on the opposite side, his feet tangling with Ross’ under the table, making Ross smile. 

‘I ran into Ruth at the shop.’ Rose said. ‘Alec and Harry are up for a week, they got here last night. She thought it would be nice for us to get together. It’s been ages.’ Jim looked at her and shrugged.

‘That’s fine by me.’ He said then looked at Ross. ‘Do you want to go? It’s Billie’s family.’

‘Sure.’ Ross said. ‘Sound’s nice.’

‘Only if you want to.’ Jim said. ‘It’s the last night so if you would rather stay in, we can.’

‘No.’ Ross replied. ‘I’m happy to go.’

‘Good.’ Rose said and got up. ‘Now, what do you boys want for breakfast?’

**********

After they had eaten and put on boots, coats and gloves, they ventured outside.

‘We really don’t have to go if you don’t want to.’ Jim said. Ross gave him a sideways look. 

‘It’s fine.’ he said. ‘Christ knows my friends have monopolised our time enough whenever you come to visit me.’

‘I know. But this is …’ Jim sighed and stopped walking. Ross stopped as well and they looked at each other. ‘This is hard enough as it is. I would hate to think that we wasted anything.’

‘Then it would be my fault not yours.’ Ross said. ‘I haven’t been the most receptive person in the last couple of days.’ He made himself look Jim in the eye. ‘I want to be here with you. As long as we’re together, I don’t really care what we do.’ 

‘Fair enough.’ Jim said. ‘And I think you’ll like Alec and Harry. They’re nice guys.’

‘And they’re Billie’s brothers?’ Ross asked, just to clarify. But then Jim smiled and Ross realised he as missing something.

‘Alec is.’ he said. Then he started walking again. Ross watched him move away and then had to jog a little to catch up.

‘So who’s Harry then?’ he asked.

‘Alec’s partner.’ Jim replied. ‘They’re both in the service. Alec is on the Defender and Harry’s at Hamworthy. He’s a Royal Marine.’

‘He?’ Ross asked and Jim grinned.

‘Yes.’ he said. ‘Is that going to be a problem, Captain Poldark?’

‘No.’ Ross said. ‘I’m just really surprised that’s all.’

‘You shouldn’t be.’ Jim said. ‘There are plenty of couples like us in the Navy. I bet you even have some in the Army as well.’

‘I wouldn’t really know.’ Ross said. ‘I don’t actually know many people like us.’

‘Really?’ Jim frowned. ‘That’s a little bit weird if you don’t mind me saying.’ 

‘Not really.’ Ross replied. ‘I have appalling gaydar anyway. I wouldn’t have a clue.’ 

‘You were doing just fine the night we met.’ Jim said with a smile.

‘That was divine providence.’ Ross replied. ‘I wasn’t going to go anywhere that night. Carter and Rupe practically dragged me out by my bootstraps.'

‘Funny that.’ Jim replied. ‘Billie and Jackie did the same thing to me. Guess it was fate.’

‘Guess so.’ Ross said. They moved a little closer, shoulders bumping and then he did something he was not in the habit of doing and took Jim’s hand, stifling a smile at the look of surprised delight on his face. 

They walked all along the beach and then up into Watchet itself. It was tiny, with the main part composed of old buildings clustered around a neat harbour. Jim couldn’t help but notice though that as soon as they got off the beach, Ross dropped his hand.

‘It’s old.’ he said as they walked along the marina wall. ‘It’s been a port since the ninth century.’

‘I love how you keep all this shit in your head.’ Ross laughed.

‘I like facts.’ Jim said. ‘It helps when you have to remember launch codes and firing solutions.’

‘Rose said that your brain worked too quickly when you were a kid.’ Ross said and Jim nodded.

‘Sometimes it still does.’ he replied. ‘Routine helps. And this.’ He looked out at the beach. ‘It’s why I love being at sea so much, I guess. Nothing but routine and order.’

‘You’d hate the army then.’ Ross said. ‘It’s all chaos dressed up to look like order, but more often than not you’re just reacting to things.’

‘Can I ask why you joined up?’ Jim asked. ‘Are any of your family in?’

‘God, no.’ Ross replied. ‘All the Poldarks are business graduates.’

‘So how come you’re different?’ Jim said. They had stopped at the end of the quay and were looking out over the pleasure boast floating on the water.

‘Lots of reasons.’ Ross said. ‘I don’t really fit with them, I suppose. My parents don’t really approve of what I do.’

‘Why not?’ Jim frowned. ‘It’s a good job if you’re an officer.’

‘I kind of ran away and enlisted.’ Ross said. When Jim gave him a look he shrugged. ‘I needed to get away from where I was and the army seemed like a good idea at the time, so here I am. They’ve gotten used to the idea but they never let me forget that I kind of gave up on my service to the family company.’

‘There’s a family company?’ Jim laughed. ‘Jesus, Poldark. Have I caught myself a rich boy?’

‘Not in so many words.’ Ross said, trying to skirt around the topic. He hated bringing up his family’s standing. ‘Can we change the subject? You really don’t want about hear about my family.’ Jim stopped smiling immediately, becoming serious.

‘Absolutely.’ he said. ‘Consider the subject closed.’ He looked across the harbour. ‘It’s just I don’t know much about them.’

‘Not much to tell.’ Ross said. ‘I’m an only child, I have a handful of cousins, my family’s from Cornwall and my parents have a thing about having a son who’s in the army. That’s pretty much it. We don’t really speak that much.’ He avoided looking at Jim, knowing that the inevitable question was coming.

‘So, do they know about me?’ Jim asked. Ross debated lying and then decided to tell the truth, ugly as it may be.

‘No.’ he said. ‘They prefer it if I keep that part of my life to myself.’

‘Seriously?’ Jim asked, looking a little shocked. ‘But they know you’re gay, right?

‘They know and they do their hardest to ignore it.’ Ross said. ‘They don’t ask and I don’t tell.’ He chance a look at Jim and saw a flash of anger in the blue-green eyes.

‘Jesus, Ross.’ he said. ‘Not at all?’

‘I had one girlfriend when I was at school and through uni.’ Ross said. ‘After we broke up, they didn’t want to know and quite frankly I didn’t want them to know. It’s my life not theirs. Now, can we please stop talking about my family?’

‘Yes.’ Jim said, and his eyes were hard and bright. Ross could see the tension in his jaw. ‘I don’t think I want to know any more.’

They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the town. Jim took him to the three museums, and then they went and got lunch at one of the cafes on the harbour wall. Ross noticed that people would walk past and greet Jim, maybe stop for a few minutes conversation. Jim was looking quietly amused, introducing Ross to so many people that he lost track of names. Eventually, when they’d finished eating and were on coffee he looked at Jim and raised an eyebrow in query.

‘News travels fast, and this is a small town.’ Jim said with a grin. 

‘What news?’ Ross asked. Jim laughed.

‘That there is a new man in town and a good looking one to boot.’ he said with a wicked grin. ‘Why do you think everyone just happens to be passing by? They’re all coming to have a look at you.’

‘Really?’ Ross looked around and saw the two waitresses behind the bar looking at them. They turned away and there was the sound of whispering. ‘Am I in danger of being stalked?’

‘Probably.’ Jim said, grinning more broadly. ‘But don’t worry, I can fix that.’ Then he leaned forward, catching Ross by the back of his head and pulling him in, before kissing him in a way that left no doubt as to their relationship. The whispering behind them went up in volume. 

Ross was so surprised by Jim’s blatant display in public that his first response, which was normally to pull away from any type of public display of physical affection was completely bypassed in favour of returning the kiss. Once he caught himself and realised what he was doing it was too late. Jim let him go and sat back, a half-smile making his dimples just appear at the corners of his mouth. Ross could only stare at him.

‘What the hell was that?’ he asked. Jim shrugged.

‘Just marking my territory.’ he replied. 

After lunch they walked back along the beach. This time it was Jim who reached for Ross’ hand, pulling him close enough that their arms brushed. Ross could see that there were other people on the beach and again his first reaction was to pull away, but Jim held on to his hand. His grip was firm and he looked at Ross reassuringly.

‘Relax.’ he said. ‘I can tell you that the whole town knows by now that you’re my boyfriend. And the best part is that no one gives a fuck.’

‘I find that hard to believe.’ Ross said, still nervously watching the other people on the beach with them. There was one couple in particular that was coming towards them, and Ross could see that it was an older man and woman. 

‘Believe it.’ Jim said and then lifted his other hand in greeting. The older couple did the same and as they drew closer Ross could see they were both dark haired and tall. The woman had her thick black hair cropped stylishly short and he saw the immediate resemblance that marked her out as Billie’s mother. 

‘Jim.’ she called as they got a little closer. ‘There you are. I hear you’ve got the town ladies in quite a tizz.’ 

‘I’m just doing a public service and giving them something to gossip about.’ Jim laughed. ‘Ross, these are Billie’s parents, Alasdair and Ruth.’ There was a moment of handshaking and formalities.

‘So this is the tall, dark and handsome stranger that’s come riding into town.’ Ruth’s eyes were such a dark blue they were almost navy and they were sparkling with mirth. She gave Ross a long up and down look. ‘He’s not bad, Jim.’

‘Thank you.’ Jim said, grinning at Ross. ‘I think so.’

‘You are coming for dinner tonight?’ Alasdair asked. Like Ruth he was dark, but his eyes were the strange silvery grey colour that Billie’s were.

‘We will be there.’ Jim said. ‘We’re looking forward to it, Commander.’

‘Excellent.’ Alasdair smiled and it made his sharp feature face softer and friendlier. ‘I’ll crack open the port. Mess rules will be in place. Best you teach your fine Captain what’s what because no concessions will be made.’ 

‘Oh Christ.’ Jim said. ‘Thanks for the warning.’ 

‘Anytime, Lieutenant.’ Alasdair said, ‘We’ll see you at seven bells.’ Then he gave Ross a nod and he and Ruth continued down the beach towards the town. Ross looked at Jim questioningly.

‘Seven bells?’ he asked.

‘Seven-thirty.’ Jim replied. ‘Right, I guess I better warn you now that we’re in for a heavy night.’

‘I do know how to drink, Jim.’ Ross said. ‘I am in the army.’

‘Yeah.’ Jim grinned. ‘But you’ve never drunk with sailors, have you?’

***********

Later that evening, Rose drove them out to the surrounding countryside until the found themselves on a single lane track. It turned off under an impressive overarching gate and up a wide avenue line with oak trees. Ross stiffened in his seat next to Rose. Jim was behind him, arms around his neck and chin on his shoulder.

‘You okay?’ he asked, feeling the tension in Ross’ body.

‘Fine.’ Ross lied. This place looked far too much like his own home for comfort. 

They got to the end of the drive and parked than got out the car and went up to the house, Jim carrying the bag of wine bottles with him. Ross had made a querying noise at the fact that Jim had bought six bottles, but Rose had shook her head at him. 

‘Sailors.’ she had simply said. 

Rose rang the doorbell and a collective howl went up on the other side. Ross couldn’t count how many individuals there were but it sounded like at least five.

‘Oh yeah.’ Jim was smiling. ‘I should probably have warned you about the pack.’

‘The pack?’ Ross asked. Then the door opened and a flood of beagles came out. They crowded around them, wagging their tails furiously and whimpering in pleasure as both Jim and Rose bent down to pat them. Ross counted seven in total, and watched bemused as they sniffed him thoroughly and then a couple jumped up, paws against his thighs and stretched down. 

‘They like you.’ Ruth said as she appeared at the door. ‘Good. I cannot abide a person that my kids don’t like.’ She pulled the door open wide and stepped back, inviting them in with a wave of her arm. ‘Come on. The lads are all in the kitchen. Alasdair’s cooking.’

They stepped inside and Ross looked around him in wonder. He was used to Poldark House, with its pristine neatness and museum like silence. He’d been raised in an atmosphere that forbade running and shouting, that insisted feet were kept off the furniture and dogs were not allowed. And as the beagles streamed past him back inside, he had the crazy thought that Liv would have had a fit to see how scratched and scarred the wooden floorboards were, and how the front hall was cluttered with wellington books, fishing rods and coats hung up on a myriad of hooks nailed higgledy piggledy into the wall. 

‘It’s a bit of a tip.’ Ruth said cheerily, shoving a questing nose out of the shopping bag Jim was carrying. ‘Get down, there’s nothing in there for you.’ 

‘That’s not a surprise.’ Rose laughed. ‘What’s for dinner?’

‘Chicken pie.’ Ruth said. ‘Come on, we’ll go break into the wine in drawing room and leave the boys to it.’ She took Rose by the arm and they disappeared down the hallway. Jim smiled as he watched his mother disappear. 

‘Those two.’ he said fondly. ‘They’ll be in there for ages. Don’t be alarmed if you feel your ears start burning.’ He took Ross’ coat from him and hung it up. ‘The kitchen’s down there, first on the left.’

‘Where are you going?’ Ross asked. 

‘Billie wanted her chart book.’ Jim said. ‘I’m just going to run up and get it.’ Ross looked at him, a little bit taken aback by the familiarity Jim was showing in what was someone else’s house. It was such a foreign concept to him. ‘It’s all right, I know the way. I promise not to get lost.’ He gave Ross a gentle shove in the direction of the kitchen. ‘Go and make friends. I’ll be back in a minute.’ He gave Ross a reassuring smile and disappeared up the vast wooden staircase with three beagles on his heels. 

Ross stood in the hall, then looked down towards the kitchen. He was torn between wanting to stay and wait and berating himself for acting like an unsure child. He took a deep breath and walked down to the open door, hearing the sound of masculine laughter and some none to clean language. He got to the doorway and looked in. The kitchen was vast, with a flagstone floor and a massive Aga at the back. Alasdair was standing there gesturing wildly with a wooden spoon in one hand and a glass of red wine the approximate size of a fish bowl in the other. He had his back to Ross.

‘That is why,’ he was saying ‘you can never underestimate the importance of having the strategic advantage.’

‘Bollocks.’ This was from a tall, broad shouldered man with thick sandy hair cut short back and sides and more freckles than a Dalmatian had spots. ‘If Napoleon had only had…’ He looked at Ross as he came around the corner and his face split in a friendly grin. ‘Hello, there.’ His dark green eyes were bright as a bird’s, and he put down his own glass and strode forward purposefully, hand outstretched. ‘You must be Ross.’ He shook Ross’ hand, grip brisk and strong. Alasdair had turned and came over to do the same, abandoning the spoon Ross noticed but not the wine glass.

‘Evening Captain.’ he said grinning. ‘Glad you made it. Harry needs an ally in the field. What do you know about the Battle of Waterloo?’ 

‘Not an awful lot.’ Ross replied. He came into the kitchen and Harry thrust the glass of red wine he’d just poured into his hand. 

‘Brilliant!’ Alasdair laughed. ‘We need a fresh perspective.’

‘For God’s sake, Dad.’ a voice said from behind them. ‘He just fucking got here. You can keep the history lesson for after dinner.’ Ross turned and saw a devastatingly good looking man standing in the doorway. He had fine features which were the image of Billie’s with the same black hair and silvery grey eyes. He came over to Ross and Ross caught a look that was cool and appraising. Something in it gave him pause and when the man held out his hand, he may have taken it with a bit more strength than he normally would. It was returned. ‘So you’re the one who’s got Jim’s head in the clouds.’ 

‘Alec.’ Harry laughed. ‘For God’s sake, don’t be so bloody overbearing.’ He came over and put an arm around Alec and tugged him away. Then he looked at Ross and grinned conspiratorially. ‘Possessiveness is a Preston trait, even when there isn’t anything to be possessive about anymore.’ 

‘Damn right it is!’ Alasdair chuckled. He gave his son a toast with the glass he was holding. ‘And what sort of friends would we be if we didn’t check what sort of man our Jim had bought home. After all the last one was a tosser on a grandiose scale.’

‘Bloody air force.’ Harry said shaking his head.

‘Bloody air force.’ Alec and Alasdair repeated. 

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake.’ Jim’s voice came from the doorway. Ross turned to see him standing there grinning with a book under his arm. ‘I am allowed to have one bad relationship, you know.’

‘Yes, but the fucking air force Jim?’ Harry said. ‘Christ what the fuck were you thinking.’ He smiled broadly and came over, throwing his arms around Jim and practically enveloping him. Jim laughed and returned the hug. 

‘Better than a Royal Marine.’ he said. ‘You guys are all nutters.’

‘Only the best kind.’ Harry said, letting him go. Jim looked at Billie’s brother and Ross was surprised to see a hint of a smile that was quite intimate. 

‘Hi, Alec.’ He said, and there was an affectionate note in his voice.

‘Hi, Jim.’ Alec said and Ross noticed the same hint of a smile on his face. 

It made his stomach lurch. 

**********

Dinner was a rambunctious affair with mismatched crockery, odd pieces of silverware and enough wine to float a ship. The chicken pie Alasdair had made was vast and covered a substantial part of the table. Bowls of vegetables made their way back and forwards across the table, although Ross noticed that they remained largely untouched. He was next to Jim on one side, Alec and Harry on the other side, Alasdair at the head and Rose and Ruth down the bottom end, cackling like witches.

The conversation vacillated wildly from the ongoing saga of Waterloo to the state of the Royal Navy submarine division to cricket to Edgar Allen Poe to how to make a bathtub into a suitable seagoing vessel and back to Waterloo again. The Prestons were loud and ribald, Harry was even worse and Ross found himself laughing so much he almost choked on his wine. Twice. He also had a beagle on each foot and a very sparkly eyed boyfriend sitting next to him, one hand on Ross’ thigh throughout most of the meal. It was the most fun he’d had all year. 

The only thing that bothered him was the continued appraisal he was getting from across the table. It was the same kind of look he’d gotten repeatedly from Elizabeth’s brother. 

After dinner, they all helped clear away and then moved into the drawing room while Rose and Ruth packed the dishwasher, settling in on various pieces of overstuffed furniture that had mostly gone comfortably saggy with age and use. Ross knew enough to recognise most of the furniture as pretty pricy antique pieces but the way the Preston’s treated it was so vastly different to his own home. Alec and Harry had settled on one sofa, Alec lying against Harry’s chest with one of Harry’s arms under his chin and his feet over the arm. Alasdair was in a wingback chair by the fire, a pipe clenched between his teeth and the sweet leathery smell of tobacco permeating the air around him. Jim had claimed another sofa and when Ross sat down next to him, Jim had simply moved into his space. Ross had flinched ever so slightly until he saw the casual ease with which Harry and Alec were sprawled against each other. It had made him feel a bit more comfortable and he got very brave and put one arm around Jim’s shoulders and pulled him back against him. Jim smiled and leaned into him.

‘You okay?’ he murmured and Ross gave him a small nod. 

‘I’m fine.’ He murmured back, trying to ignore the little flicker of insecurity every time he looked up and caught those cool grey eyes looking at him.

***********

The evening ran late. A lot of port was drunk and by the time they left, Jim and Ross were both a more than a little unsteady on their feet. They were all gathered in the hall, sorting out coats and gloves, when Ross felt a tug on his arm and turned to see Alec standing close to him. He inclined his head towards the door and Ross followed him outside. There Alec held out his hand and when Ross took it this time, there was a lot less animosity in his attitude. 

‘It was nice to meet you, Ross.’ he said and his smile was genuine. ‘I can see Jim has exercised excellent judgement in your case.’

‘Thank-you.’ Ross said, although he couldn’t resist adding, ‘I’m glad you approve.’

‘Jim means a lot to my parents. And he means a lot to my sister.’ Alec said gravely. ‘And he means a lot to me. He’s the closest thing to a brother that we’ve got. We want to make sure he’s not going to get buggered around like he was the last time.’ Ross bridled at that.

‘While I appreciate your concern for him,’ he said, ‘I don’t really think our relationship is any of your business.’ He saw Alec’s grey eyes flash and wondered just what the motivation for it was. Alec was now acting more like a jealous boyfriend than a big brother. 

‘Of course not.’ he replied. ‘You’re right of course. I just want to know he’ll be treated the way he should be treated.’

‘Alec.’ They both turned and saw Jim standing there, a chastising look on his face. ‘For fuck’s sake.’

‘Sorry.’ Alec threw up his hands. ‘I’m done. I will not say a single word ever again.’

‘Good. Imagine if I’d done this to Harry.’ Jim said. ‘Now stop being a dick and go inside. I’m going to take my slightly drunk boyfriend back to mine and molest him.’ He walked past Alec, gave him a hard whack on the upper arm that made Alec flinch and took Ross’ hand. Rose came out the front door followed by the other Prestons and Harry. She got in the car, Ross and Jim following suit. The Prestons stood on the front step and waved them off. 

Ross was quiet. Rose gave Jim a pointed look in the rear view mirror.

‘Alec needs to rein it in.’ she said. 

‘He’s just protective, Mom.’ Jim said. He leaned forward and put his arms around Ross’ neck again, nose up against Ross’ ear. ‘But they can all see that I’ve got a good one here.’

‘Still.’ Rose said. ‘I’m going to give him what for tomorrow.’ Jim chuckled and the wash of air over Ross’ skin made him shiver. ‘Just because he’s your ex doesn’t mean he has any call to act like an arse.’ Ross’ head snapped around at that and he looked at Jim.

‘Your ex?’ he said. 

‘Yeah.’ Jim sighed. ‘For four years.’

‘Bugger.’ Ross turned back. ‘So that’s why the pissing contest.’

‘Yes.’ Jim said and his voice had a sharp note to it. ‘I seem to have a thing for tall dark men with too much testosterone.’

‘Except for Greg.’ Rose said. ‘But he was an aberration in more ways than one. And he practically oozed testosterone.’ 

‘I give up.’ Jim laughed and slumped back in the seat behind Ross.


	7. The Seafarer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the house...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from The Seafarer by Kate Walsh

At the house, Rose took the dogs out while Jim herded Ross up the stairs. They got stuck in the stairway again but this time it was because they were both more than a little tipsy and walking seemed to be a little beyond them. When they got to Jim’s room, Ross was ready to just lie down and pass out. He did not expect the little shove that pushed him onto the bed so he ended up flat on his back. Jim closed the door firmly behind him and turned on the bedside lamp, before moving to stand at the end of the bed and giving him a smile that was full of promises, none of them suitable for polite company.

‘You are joking, right?’ Ross groaned. ‘Jesus, I’m so drunk right now I am probably incapable of getting it up.’

‘Well, then we’ll just have to see if we can’t do something about that.’ Jim was already pulling his shirt over his head and the second part of the sentence came out muffled. ‘Because I am raring to go.I wasn’t joking when I told Alec I was going to molest you ’

‘How the fuck do you Navy guys do it.’ Ross stared up at the ceiling which was spinning ever so gently. 

‘Practice.’ Jim laughed. He came to the edge of the bed, taking one of Ross’ feet and bracing it against his thigh while he untied his bootlaces. ‘You’re going to have to get drinking fit if you’re going to be my plus one in the future. Navy functions are notorious for hard drinking.’

‘Really?’ Ross raised his head slightly to squint at him. ‘They would let you bring me?’

‘Of course.’ Jim said. He had discarded the first boot and sock and was now working on the second. ‘You sound surprised.’ He finally got Ross’ laces undone and tugged off the second boot. 

‘I am a little.’ I guess I am just not really used to this.’ Ross said. ‘It’s a little strange to be honest.’ Jim sighed and then sat down on the edge of the bed, taking off his own boots and socks. ‘I feel like I should be okay with it, but I kind of just want to…’ He trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say. ‘And tonight was great, but you have to give me some warning that we’re going to be running into one of your exes.’

‘I didn’t know it would be a problem.’ Jim said over his shoulder. ‘I honestly don’t even think about Alec like that anymore.’

‘You smiled at him.’ Ross said. His normal filtering was a little off and normally he wouldn’t have sounded so petulant but he didn’t care.

‘I smile at lots of people, Ross.’ Jim said, and Ross could hear the affection in his voice. ‘But I am very touched that you’re jealous.’

‘I’m not jealous.’ he retorted. ‘I just don’t like other people…’

‘Playing with your toys?’ Jim’s voice was now verging on a laugh. ‘It’s fine. I’m sorry I sprung that one you. To be honest I did it on purpose.’

‘Why?’ Ross asked. Jim got up and turned.

‘Because sometimes you are so damn hard to read.’ he replied. ‘I feel like I get a fix on you and what you’re feeling and then you go in a direction I wasn’t expecting. Like the first time you told me you loved me. I wasn’t expecting that at all, and then the next second you looked like you wanted to take it back. This weekend you’ve been really up and down, like you can’t make up your mind whether you want to love me or dump me.’ He got onto the bed, crawling over Ross until he could sit astride him. ‘It can be a little confusing.’

‘I don’t mean to be.’ Ross said. Jim leaned forward a little, one hand on Ross’ chest and the other along his jaw.

‘I know you don’t.’ he replied. ‘And I know this is scary. That it feels like this is the end of things. But it’s not. Like I said, we’re so not done with each other.’ He shifted down a little and Ross couldn’t help it. Even in his drunken state, his body responded and he caught his breath at the friction between them. ‘And you don’t have to worry about Alec. He’s happy with Harry. We were always better friends than lovers anyway.’ He leaned down even further, his mouth inches away from Ross’, so close that Ross could smell the sweetness of the alcohol on his breath. ‘You’re the only one I see now, the only one I want.’ Their eyes locked in the dim light. It took only a slight movement to reach each other and Ross closed his eyes as their mouths met, letting himself get lost in the gentle way Jim kissed him, no frantic urgency now, just languorous tongues and deep breaths until Ross’ body responded. He felt like his entire being was being consumed with what he was feeling and he lifted his hands, stroking along Jim’s sides with his calloused fingertips dragging along Jim’s skin until they got to his jeans. The was a little hitch in Jim’s breathing as Ross reached for his belt buckle, undoing it slowly. He pulled back and there was a quick flash of dimples.

‘I thought you said you were too drunk to get it up?’ he teased and Ross retaliated by giving the jeans a rough tug that pulled their cocks into alignment. He could feel that Jim was hard, but now Jim could also feel that all the kissing had made the situation mutual.

‘Looks like you managed to catch my attention.’ he murmured, leaning up a little further to lick along the line of Jim’s throat. ‘The question is, what are you going to do with it?’ 

‘What do you want?’ Jim’s voice was husky and he arched back as Ross bit softly at the side of his neck. Ross slid his hands up Jim’s thighs and then around, digging his fingers into his backside and pulling him down onto his cock.

‘I want you like this.’ he said, the alcohol making him bold. ‘I want to watch you fuck yourself on me.’ Jim sat back and their eyes met again, the intensity between them building quickly. 

‘All right.’ he replied, then shuffled backwards until he could get off the bed, stripping off his remaining clothes. Ross sat up and pulled himself to the edge of the bed and watched the frankly adorable sight of his drunk boyfriend trying not to fall over as he tried to get rid of his jeans and boxers. He took a little while, being overly careful not to over balance, and the sight of it went straight to Ross’ heart like a carefully aimed sniper’s bullet. Finally Jim straightened up and Ross reached out, getting him by the hips and pulling him forward. Unfortunately he pulled a little too hard and Jim ended up more or less sprawled naked in his lap. He laughed, arms around Ross’ neck and looking down at him. There was a moment and then he leaned down and Ross stretched up to meet him, kissing Jim and pulling him further onto his lap, hands underneath him to hold him there. 

They kissed and kissed until eventually Jim raised his head and shifted. 

‘Enough.’ he breathed. ‘Now.’ He half fell off Ross, and Ross caught him to steady him, their laughter soft as they tried to keep the noise down. As Jim straightened up, he pulled him close once again, arms around him and his head resting against Jim’s body, warm and solid under his cheek. He felt Jim stroking through his hair and held on tightly for a moment, and then let him go. Jim’s face was serious as he looked down at him. Ross could hardly look at him, his feelings threatening to run out of control as he battled with the urge to just speak, to let go and tell Jim everything, all the turmoil he was in as half of him wanted to give Jim his freedom and let him go and the other half wanted to hang on for dear life and never let him out of his sight. 

So instead he tamped down his feelings and took Jim’s hard cock in his hand, turning his head so the velvety soft skin was under his tongue, licking along the shaft. Jim’s breath came out as a choked off gasp, and one hand moved to Ross’ hair, fingers tangling and his hips moved forwards involuntarily. 

‘Yes.’ he breathed. ‘Please, Ross…’ Ross didn’t let him finish, moving to take Jim in his mouth, letting him slide all the way in and then holding him there as he breathed noisily through his nose and looked back up into Jim’s eyes, keeping his movements steady. He knew how much Jim loved this, could feel it in how Jim’s cock actually got harder when it was in his mouth and read it in the look of ecstasy on his face, the same look he was wearing now as he panted and gripped at Ross’ hair. ‘Yes, like that. God, I love your mouth. Fuck…’ He moaned and Ross sucked hard enough for the moan to turn into a strangled cry. Jim was starting to shake and Ross got ready to accept what was coming, but then Jim braced his arms against Ross’ shoulders. ‘No.’ he murmured. ‘Not like this. I want to come with you inside me.’ He gently pushed Ross away from him. ‘Get on the bed.’ Ross moved back, trying to take his shirt off as went, watching as Jim went to retrieve the lube from the bathroom where he’d out it that morning. He managed to get it over his head and then got tangled. As he struggled he felt the bed dip and heard Jim’s low chuckle.

‘Idiot.’ he said and then his hands were on Ross, disentangling him. ‘What am I going to do with you?’

‘Love me forever.’ Ross retorted before his brain could catch up with his mouth. As the shirt came off he saw Jim’s expression and the look of amazed love on his face took Ross’ breath away.

‘You don’t even have to ask me to do that.’ he said. ‘I think I already will.’ Then he leaned down and kissed Ross, hard and desperate now, moving to straddle him at the same time without breaking that single point of contact between them. Ross put one hand at the back of Jim’s neck, holding him there and only letting him go so he could gasp as Jim’s hand landed on his cock.

‘Fuck.’ he moaned. ‘I want you so much.’

Jim smiled at him, hands on Ross’ belt as he undid it and then unbuttoned his jeans, tugging to drag them down just far enough before leaning over and grabbing the lube. Ross watched him, a little frown of concern on his face as Jim put some in his hand and slicked up Ross’ cock, making him bow off the bed.

‘Shouldn’t we...?’ he asked, but Jim shook his head.

‘Not tonight.’ he said. ‘I want this to last.’ He moved into position and then he was moving down, taking Ross inside him until he was sitting flat against him. Ross threw his head back against the bed, stifling his moan. Then Jim lifted and dropped and another came out unintentionally. Ross was torn between wanting to keep quiet and not disturb Rose and wanting to scream at how good Jim felt around him, all tight slick heat. Jim chuckled again and this time he moved up so slowly it was like the most exquisite torture, rising until Ross was almost out of him and then dropping down hard enough to make them both gasp, loud exhalations of air and sound.

‘Jesus fucking Christ!’ Ross swore. ‘You can’t fucking do that. Your mother is next door!’

‘My mother has the good sense to go to sleep with her earphones in.’ Jim panted, lifting and falling now in a steady rhythm that made Ross’ toes curl. ‘She listens to whale music to help her sleep. Trust me, she can’t hear a thing.’ He grimaced as he picked up speed. ‘Oh fuck, that’s so good…’ Ross reached for him, holding onto Jim’s hips as he started bucking in earnest, and thrust up to meet him.

They stayed like that, eyes locked as they held onto each other, Jim’s hands on Ross’ forearms, taking their time and watching each other. Ross started to reach for him, but Jim pushed his hand away.

‘No.’ he panted. ‘I can come like this.’ He shifted his angle backwards slightly and his shuddering breath told Ross that he was hitting the right place. ‘You wanted to watch me, so watch me.’ Ross could only do as he was told, watching as Jim started to move harder and faster until they were both at the edge, waiting to fall. Jim fell forward, hands on Ross chest and changed the angle again, making it so good that Ross felt like he was on fire. They were close enough to kiss, and Jim looked at him. ‘I love you.’ he panted, his voice rough. ‘I love you so much. Come with me.’ 

Ross couldn’t speak, could only nod as Jim leaned down, kissing him hard and messy and then the fire consumed him and he cried out into Jim’s open mouth, holding onto him as he thrust his way through his orgasm until Jim followed him, coming all over Ross’ chest and stomach. Ross kept going until they were both trembling violently, loud panting filling the room. Ross put his arms around Jim and pulled him down against his chest, holding him there and feeling the heaving of his body as he fought for breath.

‘I love you too.’ he whispered into the sweat damp hair and felt Jim smile against his neck in reply.


	8. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Photograph by Ed Sheeran.

Ross woke from a dream of fire and pain.

He’d always counted himself lucky that he'd made it through three deployments. The incident that he’d told Halford’s parents about had seriously injured two people but Ross had walked away with some bruised ribs and a mild concussion. He’d always given it less than no thought if possible and never told anyone about the dreams that sometimes came as a result.

But now, as he sat and looked down at Jim sleeping next to him, Ross felt an overwhelming sense of panic that he’d never felt before. It started in his stomach and stretched icy fingers up into his throat, choking off the laboured breaths coming out of him. He wasn’t sure what had brought it on. What he did know was that the thought of being where he was terrified him more than anything had before, and he didn’t know why he was reacting like this. He tried to calm himself, regulate his breathing and stop his hands from shaking but the longer he sat there the worse the feeling got.

He had to leave. Now.

Moving as quietly as possible, Ross eased himself out of bed. The cool air of the room chilled his skin and he broke out in goose bumps. Once his feet hit the floor, he retrieved his discarded clothing and bag from the floor and retreated into the bathroom, dressing as quickly as he could and putting his boots on with a minimum of noise. Once he was dressed, he chucked the washbag he had in the bathroom into his bag, zipped it and opened the door, wincing slightly as it creaked.

Jim was still sleeping.

Ross stopped to look at him once, and the sick feeling in his stomach bubbled up as he contemplated having to stay, having to get in the car and drive all the way back to Dorset, having to look at him and see the pain in Jim’s eyes as they said goodbye.

This was better. This way neither of them would hurt each other.

Ross left the room, opening and shutting the door quietly and the moving down the stairs. He undid the latch and went outside into the dark. The cold air hit him like a bucket of ice water, but it instantly made him feel a little better and not like he was asphyxiating. He took out his mobile phone and checked the time. It was a little after five. He dialled the standard information number he had on his phone and asked for the number of a local taxi company. They connected him and when he got through he spoke briefly then disconnected.

It was done.

In the back of his head a little voice screamed at him, that this was not right and that he had no right to just run out of the house like he was doing. He knew that he was being a coward, not wanting to wake up and face having to see Jim, to spend the whole day touching him and listening to his voice before having to look him in the eye and let him go.

This was the only way he would be able to do it.

The taxi was just coming down the road to the beach when Ross heard the front door open behind him and he jumped in alarm, but the face that peered around the door at him was Rose’s and not Jim’s.

‘Ross?’ her voice was sleepy. ‘What on earth are you doing out here?’ She saw his stricken face and her expression of confusion changed immediately to one of concern. ‘Ross, what is the matter?’ Ross shook his head, not wanting to confess that he was basically running out on her son, but her hand came down gently on his arm and it all bubbled to the surface.

‘I can’t.’ he managed to get out. ‘It’s too hard Rose, I…’ his voice died away and then he saw the sadness in her eyes, the understanding reflected there as she saw his obvious distress.

‘Please come back inside.’ she said, her voice ever so gentle. ‘I know it’s hard, but he will really need to say goodbye to you.’

‘I can’t.’ Ross repeated. Rose looked at his pleading expression and then past him at the taxi that had pulled up.

‘Can you wait at least one minute then?’ she asked. ‘I promise I won’t wake him up, just give me one minute.’ Ross looked from her to the taxi, torn by the need to escape and the house that held the person that he wanted more than anything.

‘One minute.’ he said. Rose nodded and disappeared inside the house. Ross went over to the taxi, loading his bag into the back and standing by the door, knowing that if he stayed he would never leave. True to her word, Rose came running back out with a wrapped bundle in her hand.

‘Here.’ she said, handing it to him. Then she put her hand to his face, her palm surprisingly warm.

‘Thank you.’ he said. They looked at each other and then Rose dropped her hand.

‘Oh, Ross.’ Rose said. ‘He’ll understand. If you just spoke to him he would understand.’

‘I don’t even understand.’ Ross said.

‘But I think maybe I do.’ Rose said. ‘You’re not the first person in the world that has had to let someone go.’

‘Not like this.’ he said. ‘It feels like I’m suffocating.’ Rose nodded.

It hurts.’ she said. ‘It was the same for me. You think it’s going to get easier but it never does.’

‘How do you stand it?’ Ross asked and she looked at him, her blue eyes shiny with tears, even in the darkness.

‘I learned to put it away.’ she said. ‘You will too.’

‘Maybe.’ he said, looking down. ‘But not today.’

‘No, not today.’ Rose said. ‘Go. I’ll explain everything to him.’

‘Do you think he’ll be angry with me?’ Ross was a little shocked at how small his voice sounded.

‘Oh, yes.’ Rose said. ‘There’s no doubt he will. But he’ll also understand. Jim sees a lot more than you think he does.’ She smiled at him, but it was tinged with sadness. ‘At least talk to him before he goes. Will you do that?

‘I’ll try.’ Ross said. He looked at the taxi, and then back at Rose. ‘I need to go.’

‘So go.’ Rose said. ‘And when he wakes up I’ll explain everything.’ Ross looked at her and then, on impulse, put his arms around her and hugged her.

‘Thank you.’ he said again. Rose hugged him back, standing on her tiptoes to reach him.

‘You’re welcome.’ she replied. ‘And my door is always open, Ross.’ She moved back from him and watched as he got into the taxi, closing the door behind him. He gave her one last half smile through the window and then the car pulled away. Rose watched it go and then turned and looked up at the window to where her son was watching. Their eyes met, and then Jim turned around and disappeared from view.

In the taxi, Ross looked at the bundle in his hands. It felt like a book and he unwrapped the plastic shopping bag it was covered in. When he uncovered it, he saw it was a book. It was an old copy of Homer’s Odyssey, the cover frayed and worn on the edges and spine, but when he opened it he saw the pages were crisp and clean. Ross was a little confused until he turned to the front page and saw the name James Robert Hawkins inscribed in a neat childish hand inside the front cover. With it was a picture and when Ross looked at it, his heart gave a little jump.

It was a picture of Jim, caught on what was obviously a bright summer afternoon. He was sitting on the low stone step at the kitchen door of the cottage, dressed in a dark blue t-shirt and jeans. He had one knee up and Starboard was in his lap and the angle the picture had been taken from meant that the sun was hitting him just right, making his blond hair bright gold and his eyes the clear aquamarine of a tropical sea. The edges seemed a little bent and Ross realised that it had obviously been taken from a frame. There was also a piece of paper. Ross recognised the adult version of the handwriting that was inside the book. The note wasn’t long, just four lines of text.

_My father gave me this. It was so that I could read it and understand that however far away he went, he would always come back to us. I hope you will read it and understand that no matter how far away I go, I will always come back to you._

_I love you._

Ross fell back in his seat, fighting tears. It was a very long trip to Minehead, and it was only when he got there that he realised the ring he’d bought Jim was still in his jacket pocket where he’d left it that first night.

************

After the taxi disappeared into the darkness over the hill, Rose went back inside. She closed the door and then looked up the stairs. There was no sound.

She went up, and when she got to Jim’s room she didn’t hesitate, just went in and to the bed her son was lying on. Port and Starboard had sensed his distress and come in from her room where they normally slept. They were curled up next to him, and they made little noises of protest as she got onto the bed but refused to get out of her way. Jim was silent, his one hand tucked under his head and the other buried in Port’s thick fur. Rose settled herself in the space that up to an hour before had been occupied. She reached out and stroked the thick dark blond hair so very much like her own.

‘Thank you for giving him the book.’ Jim said eventually. He didn’t look at her and the pain in his voice made her own heart ache in empathy.

‘You’re welcome.’ she said.


End file.
